A mysterious rise in Tinder date murders specifically for Wednesday evenings. Tinderella breaks it down for you. The Wobbly Wednesday Killer is the main spike followed by a few other Wednesday woes.
Who Is The Wobbly Wednesday Killer?
The Wobbly Wednesday Killer, otherwise known as WWK, is a man that loves killing and torturing women he finds exclusively on a Tinder date.
The online dating website has denied the existence of WWK.
So far, he has only appeared to be going out on Wednesdays as the bodies are found early morning Thursdays with a note attached to their bras stating,
“I killed this girl on Wednesday. Please walk her dog on Thursday morning.”
Why Is He Called The Wobbly Wednesday Killer?
- Brings home drunk chicks
- Dances to Wobble Wit Me as foreplay
The Tinder Date Killer: Wobbly Wednesday Killer Description
According to Chicago police officer Bobby Longsocks, watch out for someone fitting WWK’s typical characteristics and behaviours.
Eye Witness Description:
- Brown Hair
- 20s or 30s
- Looks like your neighbor
- Typically wears a dark t-shirt
- Has cat
- Loves dogs
- Talks about job on first date
- Yes, it could be 90% of guys on Tinder
But It’s My 2nd Tinder Date…And He Seems Nice
The Wobbly Wednesday Killer typically kills on the second date. He appears extremely charming but his signature move is to get drunk women to dance right before he tortures them.
Wobbly Wednesday Killer’s Type:
- Females or Trans Females
- Has “Delicious Boobies” according to Chicago Police Department spokesman, Derelick Bahalls
- Carries purse larger than a breadbox but doesn’t pull anything out of it the entire date
- Ends most sentences with a question
- Dog owners
Typical First Tinder Dates Of The Wobbly Wednesday Killer:
Police have studied the patterns of WWK and are trying to spread the word to women and trans people everywhere to avoid the killer’s typical spots:
- Sweet Caroline Karaoke Wednesdays – Only 1 song allowed at this karaoke spot.
- Bleeding Heart Cafe – WWK always orders his ladies a blood orange coffee
- Children’s Hospital – WWK loves to win hearts, then eat them
Other Reasons For The Sudden Wednesday Spike:
- New Karaoke Wild Wednesdays – Females must dress as Wednesday Addams from the Addams family for entry. Attracts young, former goth whores who only know half a Britney song but can drink their weight in Rumchata. Uncle Fester shots half price.
- Copycat Killer – WWK may be working with a team of 2-3 average bros. They could be comparing notes and having kill parties. You will know you are at a kill party if you see post it notes that have the words “killed Wednesday” somewhere on them.
- Stalker Challenge Wednesdays – New charity internet challenge to “play stalk” your latest Tinder date to get to know their habits and lifestyle to make a first date go smoother. All proceeds go to The National Center For Battered Women And Purse Sized Dogs headquartered in Chicago (NCBWPSD).