You’re sitting in your room, a Friday night, you’re horny as f***. You open up profiles of potential Tinder dates and think to yourself, I’ll settle.  DTF stands for Down To F*** which you already knew you slut. When it’s been awhile you know that urge. Don’t fight it. 

5 Simple Rules To Avoid Falling For Your DTF Tinder Dates: 

  1. Do not fall in love 
  2. Never under any circumstances agree to a 3rd date 
  3. Ghost hard like Whoopie 
  4. Contact their exes with a crystal ball 
  5. If all else fails, talk about religion 

1. Do Not Fall In Love With Tinder Dates

It always starts the same – a cute message, some smiley faces, an Insta and phone number exchange. Then bam – you’re in love with the idea of someone who combines all your past exes but packaged neatly with a prettier face.

Are you smiling, singing, and waking up earlier? Yeah, it’s too late. Don’t fall in love with your DTF Tinder dates! Break that shit off like yesterday. 

2. Never Under Any Circumstances Agree To 3rd Tinder Dates 

Hit it. Quit it. Rinse & repeat. 2.5 Tinder dates – that’s cool. Just don’t make it to three. You’ll know way too much about their family and nicknames by then.

Not to mention their last 3 exes and political affiliation. Ugh. Kill me now. 

3. Ghost Hard Like Whoopie 

You’re smart. You were able to make a functional profile to get a Tinder date. Now, all you have to do is simply nothing. Can you do that?

Just sit there, don’t text, don’t call, don’t do anything. Okay, you can put a frozen pizza in the oven and play some Call Of Duty or Animal Crossing but that’s it. Ghost hard. 

4. Contact Your Tinder Date’s Exes 

Feel like you’re falling for the right guy or gal? Wish you could look into the future?

This requires a bit of internet stalking but in just a few minutes, you can be messaging your Tinder date’s exes with all the bad habits and reasons they broke it off, saving you time and headache. 

5. If All Else Fails, Talk About Religion  

Catch yourself falling for that cutie with a booty? A quick interjection of just the word “Jesus” even used in vain will soften that love libido.

So lift those Catholic school girl skirts and rejoice! But ghost hard when they try to make you pray for your sins. 

What To Do If You Fell Hard On Your Tinder Date: 

You’re on a mini road trip to meet their parents. You come to your senses halfway there and scream in your head, “What have I done?!”

Simply tuck and roll, hitchhike back to your shitty apartment, and feed your cat that you would have left alone all weekend. 

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